Fix yourself a cup of coffee, tea or hot chocolate and find comfort within the Parents’ Corner. Those who have traveled the same journey can offer insight into what you are going through. Seek out this site monthly because new articles will be posted along with the quarterly newsletter articles from Parents’ Corner.
Special words from Aunt Andi to her nephew who recently lost his brother; His shared these words with the Center and we are sharing them on Parents Corner in the hopes that someone can find comfort in the sentiments expressed…
You are already light years ahead of where I was, in that I couldn’t understand the concept of “the new normal” for at least three years. (Yikes!) And, not until I was sitting with my therapist saying I just wanted to get back to my old self. She wisely said, you will never be the same. You can’t get your old life back, so you now have to decide how you will use this to move into your new life. It was cathartic. I’d been attempting to “hold my breath” and not move at all until my old normal returned. That was never going to happen – by virtue of reality. Finding the new normal has not been easy and there are still good days and bad. Except, I won’t call them bad just because they are laden with memories. Slowly, so slowly, the emotions around those memories migrate from devastating to merely painful to regretful to bitter sweet. You learn over time to focus the emotion of the memory away from your sense of loss, to the wonder and joy of knowing and sharing a moment with someone you loved and to honor them with the memory. You learn not to be ambushed by your feelings of missing them. Not that the feeling ever goes away, but you learn to expect to miss them. You keep that missingness tucked away – like a worry stone in your pocket – you know you will carry it every day. Its weight becomes part of your daily routine and eventually, you not only live with it; you touch it now and then and there is a strange comfort in it.
I firmly believe that I can feel Damani’s spirit. Not as much now as when he had recently passed, but still present. I also believe he can feel my spirit. I know that he can still feel my thoughts of love. Send out your love into the universe; your brother will feel you. "